Everyone Wants to Feel Valued

Do working moms (WMs) think we stay-at-home moms (SAHMs) do crafts and eat bon bons all day? It sometimes feels as if WMs think we spend our days making elaborate scrapbooks of our children's many activities, baking cookies and brownies, ironing clothes and watching soap operas.

Well...I'm here to tell you that that's not the way it is! Our days are often unpredictable, hectic and sometimes mundane. But I can't remember the last time I ate a bon bon, worked on a scrapbook (oh, rats, that's another thing on my list) or baked cookies, much less ironed any clothes (ha! that's a good one!).

What DO we do? Well, as for me, I organize schedules, manage the household, nurse wounds, listen to problems, maintain order, minimize chaos and, sure, also do laundry, keep a tidy home, and walk the dog. I am here for my kids every moment they need me. Gosh, I could go on and on.

But, you know it's hard to do what we do and retain a sense of dignity when members of our society continue to look down their noses at us as if we're close to worthless. You know, people have actually said to me, "You didn't work hard to get that advanced degree to spend your days picking peas up off the floor. What are you doing??" Doggone it, it's not about the peas, people. I wish I could shout it from the rooftops. It's about the KIDS!

Does it bother me that I'm not using the education I worked so darned hard to achieve? YES! Do I miss having deep, meaningful policy discussions with colleagues? YES! Do I miss the ego-filling, achievement oriented career I once loved? YES! Do I love doing laundry and picking up dirty socks? Come on now, what do you think? Of course not!

But I love the look on my kids' faces when they talk about something that's been happening at school and I know exactly who's involved and all of the details. I love knowing about the books they're reading. I love knowing what they talked about at lunch with their friends. I love being aware of their activities, their accomplishments (big and small), their challenges and problems. I appreciate my ability to be there for them.

What I don't appreciate is the dismissive attitude from WMs. They really do not value or respect my choice. They can't relate -- and I understand that -- so they look at me with this quizzical look like, "No, really, how do you spend your time? I get it all done, why can't you (and have time left over)?"

But there's a difference between our "its". They get "it" all done, but my "it" is more expansive, IMHO. There's the rub.

I can see why that would be hard for WMs to acknowledge. Perhaps it would also be hard for them to take the next step and actually value what I do because that would mean admitting that I give my kids more than they do. Maybe they need to believe our days are empty because if I fill six or eight hours with valuable, meaningful contributions to my kids, that's six or eight hours of something their kids don't get. At least not from them.

Hey, again, I respect and value the choices all women make. I respect and appreciate the hard working career women who contribute so much to society. And I greatly, deeply respect single moms who have no choice and work harder than any of us.

I simply ask that that respect be reciprocated.

Everyone wants to feel valued.